I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
