What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
