i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He shit in the fireplace
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize