yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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