i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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