The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
