i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
