Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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