handjob tips. give me some.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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