I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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