8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
