Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
