Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
