no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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