If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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