and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
