I love black thongs
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
