Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
