Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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