They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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