I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
