woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
