My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
zippers are such a cool invention
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
