I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
