wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
