I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
