it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
