Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
