I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
