so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
so much tequila, so little girl.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
