worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i think i just lost a toe
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
