I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
