he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
