There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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