I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
handjob tips. give me some.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
