in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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