New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
