If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
