I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm both gender and math confused
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
