Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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