This girl is more easily done than said...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
