we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
