maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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