Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
