Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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