got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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