if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
