ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm jealous of your bromance
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
