u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
