That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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