I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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